Insurance Critic Gifts

"You're denied coverage because of your pre-existing condition of having lousy health insurance."

'-OK, if you elect not to have the surgery, the insurance company offers six days and seven nights in Barbados.'

"It appears your HMO will only allow you 2 repressed memories, 1 childhood trauma, and 3 flashbacks per visit"

'His vital signs are fine. That means his insurance just ran out.'

The world of medicine as we know it will end soon.

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'Do HMO's really give you extra benefits?' 'Sure †they add insult to injury.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'Since we couldn't afford health care insurance, we induced labor in our car so our auto insurance would cover any maternity costs.'

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'Your feet hurt? ? I'm afraid 'feet' are a pre-existing condition.'

Health Bill Shock.

You've been denied health insurance for a pre-existing condition...you're mortal.

"Psst...Quit taking insurance. Pass it on."

"Ah-ha! We found the problem!"

"On a scale of 0-10, rate your pain caused by out-of-pocket expenses."

"You almost didn't make it, but then your cheque cleared."

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Where HMO's are headed

Hospital Parking Signs: Handicapped Parking - Financially Handicapped Parking.

"I'd offer you a tissue, but I'm afraid your insurance won't cover it."

"It's an insurance company's idea."

"Your success rate isn't so great, but your services are covered and endorsed by my health insurance."

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'Well, as we suspected, your insurance doesn't cover medical bills incurred from punching your doctor...'

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

'To make a long story short, they performed an insurancectomy!'

'I make a great living looking in on hospital patients, asking how they feel, then billing their insurance.'

'Why not send us some money before you pop your clogs - it will make you feel better?'

'I couldn't afford to put food on the table because I pay my own health insurance, which is good since now I'm starving to death.'

'Oh, we have LOTS of expensive diagnostic equipment, but we need a note from your insurance provider to use it.'

'We've actually figured out your problem. Your warranty expired.'

Our first dollar...Your LAST dollar.

Health Insurance, Inc. They raised my deductible and my premiums, and told me to lower my expectations.

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor.