Insurance Critique Gifts

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

'You're improving, but your health insurance is wasting away.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

The Public Option

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Where HMO's are headed

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.