Insurance Critique Pillows

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

'You're improving, but your health insurance is wasting away.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Where HMO's are headed

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'