Insurance Critics Pillows

'And the great thing is that I don't have to be approved by your HMO.'

"...but your medical insurance, Miss Whitlow, runs only to a placebo"

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Where HMO's are headed

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'