Insurance System Critic Pillows

R. Dolan M.D.: Specializing in Diseases of the Insured.

Truth

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Equal Justice Is An Illusion

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

"You've gotta be for Trump. It's all about the judges."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Where HMO's are headed

"He may be dead but according to this survey his paperwork is WORLD CLASS!"

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Obama-Health care reform

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"Till Washington gets this healthcare issue figured out, Max here will be handling your procedure."

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'Guilty or not guilty? - That doesn't leave me much wiggle room.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'He'll need some blood thinner immediately, but go grab me a sandwich first.'