Insurance Satire Pillows

'According to this, the only drug your HMO covers is aspirin, and it has to be generic.'

"I'm afraid our healthcare plan only covers the first five litters."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

So...who is your provider ?

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'The house has been repossessed by the Devil ...'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

"I was really hoping we wouldn't have to get insurance involved."