Insurance Humor Pillows

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

Woman asking burglar for a receipt so she can claim the insurance

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

"Medical insurance? Are you kidding? No one will cover me for nine lives!"

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

So...who is your provider ?

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"