Insurance Humor Gifts

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

Woman asking burglar for a receipt so she can claim the insurance

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

"Medical insurance? Are you kidding? No one will cover me for nine lives!"

So...who is your provider ?

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.