Insurance Policy Humor Gifts

'The health plan will cover you and up to three dwarves.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

"Medical insurance? Are you kidding? No one will cover me for nine lives!"

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

So...who is your provider ?

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"