Insurance Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Larry knew how to close a sale.

"And that plan covers Acts of God, right?"

'I'm afraid your late wife's life insurance policy didn't cover culinary disasters.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

"Great news! Your prognosis is awful, but all the treatment options are billable."

"I'm sorry for the delay. We're still waiting to get approval from your insurance company."

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

So...who is your provider ?

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'