Insurance Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

"You've got nine lives? Well then, you're going to need nine life insurance policies!"

"We cannot write a life policy for your husband, Mrs. Blaine, because he is already dead. In insurance terms, that is considered a preëxisting condition."

'You can cut your health insurance to pennies with a $2 million deductible!'

Man sells recall insurance outside car dealership.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

So...who is your provider ?

If we have to come back, I'm gonna bust your kneecaps, and Ira's going to cancel your insurance.

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.