Insurance Humorists Gifts

"I hope you realise this is going to raise our auto insurance premium!"

'Whole life will cover all 9 lives. The term policy will only cover you for lives lost during the term.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

Ernie's Insurance. Ernie, you'll never sell any policies if you don't tell people that you're in the insurance business. I know, but I like thinking of myself as a "secret agent."

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

So...who is your provider ?

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

'Which health plan are you on?'

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'