Insurance Comedian Gifts

The good news is that your new medical insurance covers preexisting conditions. The bad news is that you were uninsured for so long, all of your preexisting conditions got better on their own. ! !

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

So...who is your provider ?

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'Which health plan are you on?'

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.