Insurance Humorists Pillows

"I hope you realise this is going to raise our auto insurance premium!"

'Whole life will cover all 9 lives. The term policy will only cover you for lives lost during the term.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

So...who is your provider ?

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'Which health plan are you on?'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

"I was really hoping we wouldn't have to get insurance involved."

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'