Insurance Humorist Pillows

'Sorry Sir, but you don't seem to be covered for hail damage...'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

"No, I don't think our insurance covers alien invasions. Why?"

'I'd like to buy extinction insurance.'

Fire/Dental Insurance Policy - "If your teeth ever go up in flames you'll be completely covered."

"It's in your insurance policy - I have to operate with one hand tied behind my back..."

'I'd like to buy extinction insurance.'

'I'm sorry, but your insurance company considers your nonexistence to be a preexisting condition.'

"This one also has high copays and high deductibles, but you get unlimited Get Well cards."

"How do you feel about duct tape?"

'I couldn't get life insurance. Turns out that curiosity is a pre-existing condition.'

So...who is your provider ?

"Your medical insurance policy does not cover pre-existing organs."

"Good news... your health insurance has been upgraded to only cover the things you can't catch."

"Hi, I want to invite you to a little party! In a short while my life insurance pays off...well, I see you in 94 years!"

'And I just canceled my 'Alien theft' insurance.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"We can't decide if we should pay out on your life policy, or not."

"This second policy covers you for non payment of the premiums on your first policy."

"And since you claimed whiplash all our premiums have gone up."

"The premiums are low, but the out-of-pocket expenses..."

"You're not covered for hernia surgery, but you are covered for white out here and here."

'It's from our insurance company. They say if I keep hunting with Ben they're going to raise my rates.'

"You're lucky that painting was of a horse."

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Not Responsible for Broken Windshields'

The 'No Health Insurance' Digest

'I can get you some private medical insurance but it would cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

Road hazard insurance.

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

"Sorry, your health plan not cover injuries from discovering fire."

'I've hit on a plan! Since an insurance company bought the farm, let's all buy life insurance.'