Insurance Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

"You've got nine lives? Well then, you're going to need nine life insurance policies!"

"We cannot write a life policy for your husband, Mrs. Blaine, because he is already dead. In insurance terms, that is considered a preëxisting condition."

'You can cut your health insurance to pennies with a $2 million deductible!'

Man sells recall insurance outside car dealership.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

So...who is your provider ?

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'