Insurance Skeptic Gifts

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

"I said, it's the only hearing aid covered by your insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Your insurance company wouldn't cover anesthesia, but they did buy the medical staff earmuffs to protect ours ears from your screaming.'

"Your insurance covers a warm hug or a hearty handshake from the pharmacist, but not both."

'Your insurance doesn't cover acts of God, like age related illness and accidents.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"I can't remove this charge from our electronic billing, so will you agree to have the prenatal check up?"

'Being hooked on the soaps doesn't qualify you for disability payments.'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

"Zero is not only how much the premiums are, but also what the plan covers."

book - 'how to beat the insurance companies' "You don't read it...you drop it on your foot!"

Do you cover broken noses...

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to rub some more money on it and see what happens.'

'Try to hold on as long as you can, sir -- we'll start operating as soon as your check clears.'

"Your guess is as good as mine, but yours isn't covered by insurance."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how good is your insurance?"

'Doc ... could you arrange to have my Public Option removed.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'Sorry, but your insurance won't cover your medical expenses. However, they did mention that if you die, they may consider covering it in the future.'

'I hate it when medical waste washes up on shore. Just look at all these denial of service letters.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I'm afraid your work insurance won't apply, Mrs. Ferguson -- you didn't have the baby during office hours.'

"Nope. Your insurance won't cover any ounces of prevention."

HELLth-care Insurance

'You've been denied health insurance for a pre-existing condition,,, you're mortal,'

'This man is from the state government, He wants to know why you haven't filled out a no fault accident report,'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Are you sure this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

'It's hardly worth renewing our insurance policy, Arthur - this gentleman says the end of the world is in sight!'

I think this chart is self-explanatory, sir.

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'

The MEDICARE Shadow Knows...