Health Plan Skeptic Gifts

"And, as a new employee, you are immediately entitled to participate in the company's proactive health plan."

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

The Public Option

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'