Insurance Policy Nerd Gifts

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

'Before we start, let me tell you why I have to overcharge you.'

"Absolute bummer of a day. . . have you ever tried getting life insurance when you're supposed to be extinct?"

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'The recession is over, again.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

EU - Constitution

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Victim of Sequestration!

"Good news-- people are no longer calling your campaign quixotic."

Knight Supplies

'I've got it! - We'll call it the SUPERpatriot Act!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"I'm prepared to cover any out-of-pocket costs, Dr. Williter."

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'Looks like we've got the best government money can buy.'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'