Insurance Policy Nerd Pillows

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

'Before we start, let me tell you why I have to overcharge you.'

"Absolute bummer of a day. . . have you ever tried getting life insurance when you're supposed to be extinct?"

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

'The recession is over, again.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

The Public Option

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

Arrest Them Later

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

EU - Constitution

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. So, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Knight Supplies

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'I've got it! - We'll call it the SUPERpatriot Act!'

"Good news-- people are no longer calling your campaign quixotic."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Victim of Sequestration!

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'

"I'm prepared to cover any out-of-pocket costs, Dr. Williter."