Insurance Policy Skeptic Pillows

Unfortunately Mr. Brown, there's nothing in your policy that covers taking the bull by the horns.

"Are you aware that your flood insurance policy has lapsed?"

"I'm afraid your policy only covers the first three lives."

'My insurance company wants three quotes before I have it fixed.' - 'Right, £70, £80 and £90.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"You have a pre-existing condition. You're an imbecile."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

'If we can't stand up to the insurance lobby, why would the public think we can stand up against the Taliban?'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

Where HMO's are headed

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"I'm prepared to cover any out-of-pocket costs, Dr. Williter."

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'