Insurance Wonk Gifts

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

The Public Option

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"This new software is amazing...it can identify potential insurance liabilities long before any risk is even identified..."

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'