Insurance Policy Aficionado Gifts

Misread medical policy.

'You don't know how lucky you are - a quarter inch either way, and your insurance wouldn't cover it.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"...It's come to my attention you've been taking my calls."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Medicare: More is Better!

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

Fearing insurance rate increases if he had another accident claim, Dave tries a new harness system.

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

"Try getting life insurance when scientists are always supplying you with tobacco."

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."