Insurance Policy Aficionado Gifts

Misread medical policy.

'You don't know how lucky you are - a quarter inch either way, and your insurance wouldn't cover it.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"...It's come to my attention you've been taking my calls."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Medicare: More is Better!

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

Fearing insurance rate increases if he had another accident claim, Dave tries a new harness system.

'We're moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.'

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"