Insurance Aficionados Gifts

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

'Do you want Gap Insurance?'

"Quality of life insurance protects you and your family in the event of the death of your life style."

I'd like to renew my life insurance policy. - 'Nope... no children. Nope... still single.' - 'Well, yes. I guess I can look forward to a 'kick ass' funeral in that case...' -

'I pay very small life insurance premiums - but there are some drawbacks!'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Just phone Mr.Fry and tell him the claim's been rejectedbecause the damage was deemed an 'Act of God'."

"...and these are my children, Risk and Benefit."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Medicare: More is Better!

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"I couldn't be happier if I were in slop."