Insurance Enthusiasts Gifts

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Is my homeowners policy covered for global warming?'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Your umbrella policy doesn't cover a lost umbrella.

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"We don't want you inviting friends over to play. There are liability issues."

"Any ID aside from dental records?"

"I'm afraid your homeowner's policy doesn't cover your house being blown down."

"Me? I'm not in a dental plan. I thought you were in a dental plan."

"Yes, you deposit is federally insured, but only up to six dollars. Now, how would you like that?"

'Which is it, Barned? Do you want a salary or do you want insurance for your Daughter's orthodontia?'

Cat buying insurance: 'What the hell do you mean that'll be 9 premiums a year?'

Pulling the Insurance Industry

'Guess who I swopped insurance details with.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'