Health Insurance Enthusiasts Gifts

'Why do you keep this job? It's killing you.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"He looks so much like his dad."

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

Healthy Patients Only

Get well soon!

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"You call all this a side effect?"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'