Insurance Policy Curious Gifts

'I have the results of your tests. Luckily, your HMO lowered the acceptable values, so you don't need any other tests.'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

The Public Option

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'