Insurance Policies Gifts

"We've raised your rates because..."

'How much will you get if the building you're working on burns down tonight?... Five to ten years.'

Woman asking burglar for a receipt so she can claim the insurance

'I don't want a piece of the rock. I want money.'

"Thank God we're insured"

"Robyn Dixon got remarried!!!"

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'Our insurance company doesn't cover saucer theft if it's left unlocked, so lock it even through this seems like a safe neighborhood.'

'You should probably just ignore that. Your insurance doesn't even begin to cover it.'

Who shall live and who shall die?

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"Relax. I'm just here to see if your life insurance is up to date."

"I told my wife this place didn't offer full medical benefits!"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Healthy Patients Only

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'