Insurance Policy Gifts

"Either we score some higher reimbursements rates...or we're going to have to punt."

Medical Catastrophes

'Whoa, doc! Are those expensive, brand-name leeches? My insurance only covers generics.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Healthy Patients Only

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."