Insurer Gifts

Crash test dummy - "You f**king idiot! Why didn't you crash into me back there?!"

Underwriter

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

Obama Healthcare.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Healthy Patients Only

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."