Insurance Specialist Gifts

'Here's your family dental plan.'

'No, that's not his scary Halloween zombie costume, that's his scary ICD-10 rollout look.'

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Insurance cover for naturist.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Healthy Patients Only

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."