Insurance Policy Expert Gifts

Healthcare for everyone.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Healthy Patients Only

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

Who blames who in health Insurance problems

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Wait. . . wouldn't the Golden Harp be covered under the giant's homeowner's insurance?'

Where HMO's are headed