Insurance Policy Guru Gifts

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

Political Issues

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'My problem is that I am an informed citizen.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

Osborne's Tax Cuts

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

Two steps backwards-one step forward.

Caution: Crumbling Economies

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'

Knight Supplies

'Wait. . . wouldn't the Golden Harp be covered under the giant's homeowner's insurance?'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."