Insurance Guru Gifts

"Come quickly—I think I had an out-of-pocket experience."

"I can't afford this plan either. Do I need to remind you again that I'm just a small businessman?"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'Will you put my on your health insurance?'

"To be fair, we can only provide health insurance benefits for only 1 of your 9 lives."

Medicare in the News!

Flood Warning

'Rooms are $200 a day, did you want nurses..? bed...? Sheet...?'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'All we can do now is wait and hope he has coverage.'

Bicycle accident.

What did the doctor say when you went in for a check-up? Same as always, I'm overweight and under insured.

"... Yes, your future self told me you'd think I was a 'crackpot'. He also told me to tell you to make sure your personal injury insurance was fully updated by next, Thursday."

Health Costs

"He wins every year -- the man could sell an annuity to a mayfly."

"You are the salt of the earth, Richards, and your hypertension medication is costing our insurance plan a fortune."

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

"Our health plan consists of a referral to Canadian drugs."

"I wish I could help you. The problem is that you're too sick for managed care."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

Self help acupuncture

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."