Risk Guru Gifts

'The risk management consultant submitted his report. Basically, he suggests that we adopt a policy of risk aversion.'

Things seldom heard at work.

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

The economy.

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'