Consumer Guru Gifts

Focus groups for hire.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Domestic Superheroes!!

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

French wine

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'