Consumer Guru Gifts

Focus groups for hire.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Domestic Superheroes!!

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

French wine

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!