Gourmet Guru Gifts

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

"Can the chef prepare it in some way no one has ever prepared anything before?"

Will work for Food Network.

"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"

Man telephoning head waiter 'We're ready to order.'

'We're really sorry!'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Which of tonight's specials is the most sanctimonious?"

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'How do you like the souffle?' - 'Great, will you give me the blueprint?'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"...the soup of today is more or less yesterday's chef's special......"

'Hmmm, ethically sourced or chocolate sauced?'

Colin had standards, and not eating 'own brand' food was one of them.....

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

'Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing & gelatinous on the palate, goes well with cough and cold.'

The Ivy

"Not the Cape May lump blue-claw crab cake with crème fraîche, fried quail egg, osetra caviar, duck confit, and peach con frutti again?!!"

Chef Only Uses the Freshest Ingredients

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

Doctor in the house.

Cheese of the Week: Brie

'Today, I watched so many food shows, I had to take an antacid tablet.'

'In my opinion it's slightly too thin and light on the palette.' - 'That's your water.'

'Phillipe was a great chef - and requested to be cremated medium-rare.'

'Your bouquet sucks and your body is flabby.'

"Why can't he be satisfied with just getting the souffle to rise?"