Gastronomy Guru Gifts

"So this where the magic happens."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"Ah! dehydrogenated non-milk fat solids with a soupcon of deoxyhydropesane and sweetners...just like mum used to make."

'My fortune says 'You have enjoyed genetically modified rice and you will be hungry for more in an hour.''

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

'I drink wine for enjoyment, my husband drinks it for analysis.'

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Pizza school: 'Hey! I'm starting to get the hang of this. How are you doing?'

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

". . . A slight change in the menu, folks. . . tonight's special will be blackened chicken!"

Le Doggy Bag

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

Happy hour.

"I'll have the cucumber mousse with mushroom foam and some extra air on the side."

'Table 4 sends its compliments. Table 7 want to know if you're trying to kill them with all those additives and saturated fats.'

"Which of you ordered the chef's surprise?"

'Someplace where we just eat, eat, eat!'

'Let's find anothr cafe - I'm not eating in any restaurant that outranks me'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

"When your Scottish smoked salmon comes batter dipped and deep fried, you know you're in the South."

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

'And just what makes you think you qualify for the businessman's lunch?'

"When you say everything's fine is that an 'mmm, mmm good' fine or a 'just wait until I get to YELP and tear you a new one' fine?"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

one tiny bite from cute little me...

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

"Then one evening I mentioned to Richard how much I enjoy his cooking."

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Al's Diner: Be careful what you ask for!