Gastric Guru Gifts

'To be honest, Mr. Thompson, yours is the worst case of trapped wind I've ever come across.'

'I'm sorry, we can't give you a surgically inserted gastric band, as it appears you already have two!'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'