Gastro Pub Guru Gifts

Pub quiz: '...How long before we get a decent menu in here?'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

The Vineyard

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

French wine

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."