Gastro Pub Guru Pillows

Pub quiz: '...How long before we get a decent menu in here?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

The Vineyard

Counting ribs

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

"I've just barbecued my head again."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

French wine

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'