Dietary Guru Gifts

"There's too much fibre in your diet! Your roots are showing!"

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

French wine

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

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"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."