Diet Gurus Gifts

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

'I've got three jobs and it works great! As a diet consultant, I help people who got fat from too much pizza and as a mechanic, I repair the cars I wrecked on my pizza delivery tours.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"How's the salmon?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

Happy hour.

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"Carpe pizza"

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

"First you make a roux."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'