Diet Gurus T-Shirts

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

'I've got three jobs and it works great! As a diet consultant, I help people who got fat from too much pizza and as a mechanic, I repair the cars I wrecked on my pizza delivery tours.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"How's the salmon?"

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

"I'm unable to process this image."

Happy hour.

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"Carpe pizza"

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"