Nutritional Guru T-Shirts

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'You go ahead and eat. I'm on a raw food diet and surfer isn't part of it.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Self help acupuncture

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

French wine

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'