Dieting Guru Gifts

'I'm on three different diets. That way I get to eat more.'

"That Wu-Long tea diet is starting to look better every day."

'It's more a six barrel than a six pack!'

'Four thousand packets of the new anti-obesity drug, please'

"I'll have two lettuce filled, three carrot glazed, five celery frosted. . ."

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'

'Dad, why is it that this man doesn't need a string to hold him down on the ground?'

"I'm taking you off calories."

Large woman asking how a homeless man has managed not to eat

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"How's the salmon?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'