Gut Guru Gifts

Man enters Gastroenterologist's and has two doors: "Spleen Vent" and "Gut Check"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

Self help acupuncture

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

"I've just barbecued my head again."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

French wine