Health Guru Gifts

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

The over-40 workout

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

How can we improve our health?

"Better lay off using the heating pad."

'You need to walk more.'

"Cut down on smoking, drinking, meat, sugar and get out of the stock market."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Lift with your knees not your back.'

'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'

'You need to go on a balanced diet.'

Patient has a diganosis of high blood pressure, but comments, 'I take everything he says with a pinch of salt.'

'Hmmm... I'm not sure... What's the best blend for a coffee enema?'

'You have a fear of Thiamine, Riboflavin, Niacin, etc.,...better known as Vitamin B Complex.'

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

Curing Hemorrhoids Seminar

"I'm putting you on a high fiber diet. You can start by eating this brochure."

" 40% of the population is overweight...you appear to account for 17% of that figure"

"I don't understand Doc, he only eats the same as the rest of us..."

'DIET? EXERCISE?... Can't you just OPERATE?'

"Oh, how I love the change of seasons! From cold and flu to spring allergies!"

"I wouldn't mind going for a bike ride,but I don't have any clothes that look stupid enough."

'Alchohol alone is responsible for your problems.'

Woman shops at extreme organic market.

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

'Spare any cash? It takes green to go green!'

Old and energetic

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

'I...lost...twenty...pounds...and...now...I'm...a...size...six!'

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?' 'Mrs Harrison has started dieting again!'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'