Health Guru Pillows

The over-40 workout

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

How can we improve our health?

"Better lay off using the heating pad."

'You need to walk more.'

"Cut down on smoking, drinking, meat, sugar and get out of the stock market."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'

'Lift with your knees not your back.'

Patient has a diganosis of high blood pressure, but comments, 'I take everything he says with a pinch of salt.'

'You need to go on a balanced diet.'

'Hmmm... I'm not sure... What's the best blend for a coffee enema?'

'You have a fear of Thiamine, Riboflavin, Niacin, etc.,...better known as Vitamin B Complex.'

Curing Hemorrhoids Seminar

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

'DIET? EXERCISE?... Can't you just OPERATE?'

"I don't understand Doc, he only eats the same as the rest of us..."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber diet. You can start by eating this brochure."

" 40% of the population is overweight...you appear to account for 17% of that figure"

"Oh, how I love the change of seasons! From cold and flu to spring allergies!"

"I wouldn't mind going for a bike ride,but I don't have any clothes that look stupid enough."

Woman shops at extreme organic market.

'Alchohol alone is responsible for your problems.'

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'I...lost...twenty...pounds...and...now...I'm...a...size...six!'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Frank's Diet Progress.

'Carb or non-carb section?'

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

Old and energetic

'Spare any cash? It takes green to go green!'

'But all the blueberries. . . the wholegrains. . . the skimmed milk. . . the decaffeinated coffee. . . the broccoli. . . you mean it's all been for nothing?'