Health-conscious Guru Gifts

The Cancer Risk of Processed Meat

"There's always a catch. This one is very low in salt, but it contains some styrchnine."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Self help acupuncture

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Coronavirus Waves

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Coronavirus Sisyphys

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

National Academy of Sport

'I gotta lose some weight.'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

Keep Fit.

Congratulations on the new you!

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

The Canary in the Coal Mine